Our Deepest Fear…

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond
measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most
frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is
nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people
won’t feel insecure about you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to manifest
the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give
other people permission to do the same. As we are
liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically
liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

“The Great Awakening”

David has written an interesting review of Jim Wallis’ most recent book, The Great Awakening: Reviving Faith & Politics in a Post-Religious Right America. You’ll find it here.  In the midst of a heated presidential race it is important for people of faith to think carefully about the relationship between faith and politics.  I encourage you to read the review and the book.

Change and Sustainability

As I write this I am on the porch of a cabin looking out a beautiful panoramic view of the Great Smoky  Mountains in E. Tennessee.   It seems like the first time in a few weeks that I’ve had both the time and inclination to reflect on what I am learning from my life and to write about that reflection.  Having grown up in the shadow of the Smoky Mountains and  now living in the Midwest, I am always perplexed when I visit at the changes to this area that I think of as home.  Driving  in to reach this cabin we passed a mountainside that has been what can only be described as ‘raped’ by unregulated building.  Rather than a mountainside forested with trees and an occasional house or cabin, it is now covered with nearly identical two and three story cabins with an occasional tree.  Rather than the soothing shades of green and brown one is now confronted with the jarring sight of the red clay soil of this area covering nearly the whole mountainside.  The sight is a blight on the landscape that is disturbing to see because it represents both a basic disrespect for the land and a disregard for sustainable development.  It is an extreme example of what has been happening in this area for years and I wonder where it will all end.

Seeing what is happening to this place I think of as home leads me to wonder at the sustainability of the life I am building for myself.  Having this time to slow down and be quiet makes me more aware of just how busy and stressful life has felt in recent weeks.  Our family is going through a transition as I start a new job as the director of a shelter for women and children who are victims of domestic violence in Indianapolis.  This new job means I will be commuting and working daily 60 miles away from home until we are able to sell our house and move closer to my work.  That change to a daily commute is a significant one but for my kids, particularly my 9 year old son, the idea of moving is very anxiety provoking.  He’s been really anxious and worried about the upcoming changes.  It’s going to take very intentional decision making and boundary setting on my part over the next few months to ensure that our life during this transition is sustainable for all of us.  I’m going to have to be careful about how I use my time so that I have enough energy and time to help my kids (and myself) through this time of change.  I don’t want to look back a year from now and see something like I saw driving in here…change that has left scars on the landscape of our lives that will take years to heal.  I’d appreciate your prayers during this time of transition.

Becoming a “Locavore”

I’m reading an interesting book right now, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver, in which she chronicles her family’s year of eating only foods grown or produced in their local area of Virginia. The term “locavore” is being used to describe those who are trying to support local farmers and eat foods in season in their particular locales. In doing so, they are trying to create and promote markets for a more sustainable agricultural future. Our current food preferences in the U.S. depend upon fossil fuels to both produce and transport food over great distances. With the rising price of petroleum comes inflation which we are all feeling now not to mention the price that is exacted as we pour more carbon into the atmospere and degrade our topsoil through unsustainable farming practices.

Over the past few months we have been making some efforts to eat more locally. Last summer we bought virtually all of our produce and eggs at the local farmer’s market. We continue to buy eggs, beef, pork and some dairy produced locally but winter in the midwest is not known for an abundance of produce. As I peruse the produce department at my local grocery store and see grapes grown in Chile, Clementines from Spain, bananas from Central America and all kinds of green veggies from California I realize how accustomed I have become to having anything I want at any time at a price I can afford. But I am coming to realize that this kind of global agricultural marketplace comes at a high price to both the environment and, in many cases, to the producers of our ‘affordable’ vegetables and fruits.

I realize that if something does not change, my children will have no concept of how our food is produced and how that food production is connected to the earth and the seasons.  As far as they are concerned, strawberries are endlessly available, asparagus has no particular season, tomatoes are a year round food and meat comes in shrink-wrapped plastic containers. When foods are available to us constantly, we lose any sense of the wonder and anticipation that comes from looking forward to a favorite seasonal treat or the appreciation for the cycle of life and our part in that.  Nothing is special because it’s always available with a minimal expenditure of effort.  When that over-familiarity occurs, we lose some sense of the wonder of God’s creation and our connection to our physical environment.

Over the next few months I’m going to be thinking and writing about what I am learning about trying to eat more locally as well as the hidden costs of the global agricultural marketplace. I’d be interested in hearing your reflections on these issues.  To find information about local farmers and food producers in your area, check out localharvest.org.

Fasting from TV: Six Month Update

It’s been six months since we cancelled our satellite TV subscription and here are a few things I’ve come to realize:

• It’s a lot harder to be without TV programming when the days are short and the weather is bad.
• Fasting from TV does not automatically mean that the time is filled with more enriching or productive activity .
• Children who don’t watch TV require much more attention and energy to parent.
• While waiting until later in life to have children has many advantages, boundless energy is not one of them.
• It is both uncomfortable and rewarding to move out of our comfort zones.
• It is possible to live a normal and fulfilled life without having access to 100+ channels of TV programming.
• I don’t miss hearing every little detail about the day’s horrific tragedy.
• I can still get plenty of news without watching TV. The only time I’ve really wanted to watch the TV news was when we had severe weather. We were able to pick up a local channel (though the reception was pretty bad).
• It’s a lot cheaper to get movies from the library than from Blockbuster.
• I’ve rediscovered how much I enjoy reading for pleasure.

I have to say that our fast is not a complete fast. We do watch movies and videos from the library or Netflix and I’ve even watched a few cooking shows I got at the library. What is significantly different, however, is that the TV is not available to be used 24/7 as a distraction. Anything we watch is an intentional choice (both as to the programming and the time.) I’ve certainly done more reading, writing and listening to music in the last six months and I’ve learned a lot about myself. Fasting is, in part, about exposing our dependencies and clarifying what is important. God has taught me some important lessons in the last six months and for that I am truly grateful.

Thanks be to God!

Friday Five: Water and the Word

REVHROD at RevGalBlogPals writes:

In this Sunday’s gospel Nicodemus asks Jesus, “How can anyone be born after having grown old? Can one enter a second time into the mother’s womb and be born?” Poor old Nicodemus! He was so confused about the whole “water and Spirit” business of baptism.

For today’s five, tell us about your baptismal experiences.

1. When and where were you baptized? Do you remember it? Know any interesting tidbits? I was Baptized at the First Baptist Church in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, USA, when I was 12 years old.  I remember the experience mostly, I think, because growing up Southern Baptist, baptism was one of the two sacraments that we practiced so it was a really big deal.  I remember that our pastor, ‘Preacher Cope’ always used the same words: “You are buried with him in the likeness of his death and raised to walk in the newness of life.”  As kids, we would practice baptizing each other in the swimming pool, always using those words.  Perhaps that was the beginning of my sense of call. (Preacher Cope would be appalled.)
2. What’s the most unexpected thing you’ve ever witnessed at a baptism? While living in Thailand I attended a baptism at a river at which several new believers were being baptized.  In the midst of the baptism, someone came along with a herd of water buffalo who forded the river just downstream of where we were.  I was glad they were not upstream.
3. Does your congregation have any special traditions surrounding baptisms? It is always by immersion and the baptism occurs during Sunday morning worship.  In recent years, the family is invited to come up to the baptismal which is located behind the chancel, so that they can see more clearly and stand in solidarity with their family member.
4. Do you have a favorit baptismal song or hymn? I’m not sure that it is a baptismal song, per se, but “Oh The Deep, Deep Love of Jesus” always seems to remind me of the grace that is expressed in the sacrament of baptism.

This Week’s “Thankful for My Children” Moment

Yesterday was my birthday.  I’ve never been particularly worried about getting older but this year, as I reached the 45 year mark, I was feeling melancholy about the brevity of life.  Yesterday, after eating a celebratory lunch of chili dogs (my hubby took me out for a nice meal earlier in the weekend) and receiving the mandatory gift of chocolate, my 9 year old son said he had one more gift for me.  Putting his arms around me he gave me a big hug and a kiss and said he loved me.  I thanked him and told him that the hug and kiss was the best gift I received.  “Love is always the best gift” he said.  I agree.  I guess if I have to be 45 (and I clearly have no choice in the matter) I’m glad that I am able to spend this year living with and learning from my children.  Thanks be to God.

Friday Five: Lent

Mother Laura at RevGalBlogPals wrote:

1. Did you celebrate Mardi Gras and/or Ash Wednesday this week? How? Being Baptist, Lent and all that accompanies it has not been a part of my tradition. I had hoped to go to an Ash Wednesday service this year but my daughter was home with a bad Strept infection so I did not get out of the house that day except to take her to the Dr.

2. What was your most memorable Mardi Gras/Ash Wednesday/Lent? The first time I observed Ash Wednesday and Lent was as a seminary student when I was working as a youth pastor in a United Methodist Church. I remember thinking that my own tradition’s rejection of the of many of the events and observances of the Christian calendar was a loss of huge proportions. I found that the experience of observing Lent made the celebration of Holy Week and Easter more meaningful.

3. Did you/your church/your family celebrate Lent as a child? If not, when and how did you discover it? See above.

4. Are you more in the give-up camp, or the take-on camp, or somewhere in between? This year I have a foot in both camps. I am taking on the spiritual discipline of fasting one day per week which also involves giving up something. I see it more as a taking on of the challenge of using my hunger as a call to prayer and meditation than as a giving up of food.

5. How do you plan to keep Lent this year? See above

For a link to daily Lenten devotional readings from the faculty and students of Goshen College click here. For more resources including prayers, readings and links to audio files of a Lenten retreat provided by Creighton University click here.

I’ll close by sharing a “Prayer of Abandonment” written by Charles de Foucauld, a 19th century French aristocrat who joined the French army in Algeria, then left it to live there identifying with the people, serving the poor, learning the language, and sought to found a new religious order, which became The Little Brothers of Jesus. Jim Wallis shares this prayer on the God’s Politics Blog. I think it is an appropriate prayer for all of us during Lent.

Father, I abandon myself into your hands;
do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.

Let only your will be done in me,
and in all your creatures -
I wish no more than this, O Lord.

Into your hands I commend my soul:
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,
for I love you, Lord, and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into your hands without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,
for you are my Father.

Rain

It’s raining…again. We’ve had around 3 inches of rain in the last couple of days, everything is soggy and I can’t wait for spring. This is disappointing because I usually look forward to winter. I love snow. I have very warm memories of snow days at home as a child; being outside in the woods with my brothers and the dogs; walking on frozen ponds, which, in East Tennessee was taking our life in our hands since the ice never got very thick; staying out (with bread bags taped over our shoes) until we couldn’t feel our toes; coming in to hot chocolate on the stove and a jigsaw puzzle. We lived near on the edge of a woods on the side of a mountain and the back of our house was big picture windows. When it snowed it was so beautiful, almost magical. Walking in the woods in the snow is one of life’s great experiences. The snow on the trees muffles all the sound and the light glinting off the snow crystals gives everything a luminescent quality. The contrast of the white snow with the green of the spruce and pine trees and the gray of the bare hardwoods lends a simplicity restfulness to the eye that is not present in the other seasons when there is more color. I miss that experience.

The grayness of the winter here in Indiana is difficult to deal with but is normally tolerable when there is more snow. Grayness and rain and a damp cold that clings to the skin is hard to take. I find myself wanting to hibernate, feeling less creative, etc. I’m sure the presence of grief and feeling of being unsettled about the future does not help matters any. So I am left with the question of how to tolerate this season in my life as I wait for the sky to brighten and signs of new life to emerge. It occurs to me that the season of Lent, which begins today, Ash Wednesday, offers some parallel to my experience.

During the season of Lent, followers of Christ are asked to make a commitment to a period of reflection and self-examination in preparation for the observance of Holy Week and Good Friday, culminating in the celebration of Jesus’ resurrection: Easter. Lent is not a happy-happy-joy-joy stop on the calendar of the Christian year but then not all of life is that way. There are periods of darkness…rain…sorrow in all our lives. Lent is a time for looking inward and allowing God to illuminate the parts of us that need attention. It’s also a time for looking outward to allow God to help us see the needs of a hurting world. Finally, Lent is a time for looking upward for it is during these these times of darkness, rain and sorrow in our lives that we can, if we pay attention, experience God’s presence, strength, comfort and guidance in deeper and more meaningful ways.

Facing Into Life’s Sorrow

I haven’t posted in several days and have, in fact, been trying not to think too deeply about much. I’ve been dealing with some feelings I would just as soon avoid. A few weeks ago I wrote a post following the death of our friend’s two year old son entitled “Living With Sorrow.” Now I find myself having to revisit that post and remind myself of what I wrote there about how to live with the grief that life brings. Last week a dear friend of ours came home from the hospital after being transferred into the care of hospice. He had been battling cancer for a few months and the treatments set off a terrible chain of events in his body; the end result of which is that his lungs were so badly damaged that he could not recover. Tonight, surrounded by his family, he died.

Tomorrow I will have to tell my nine year old son, Ben, who has been praying for him every night and worrying about him. He’s trying to understand why he can’t be healed – why the doctors can’t just fix his lungs. He’s trying, again, to comes to terms with our mortality; with the fact that life is a mixture of sorrow and joy and that when we allow ourselves to love another person we open ourself to the possibility of loss. I wish I could protect him and myself from the grief that life brings but I know that protection of that sort comes with a high price. If we can’t allow sadness in our lives we sacrifice opportunities for joy.

So, instead of protecting him from the sadness, I’m going to allow him, and myself, to grieve. In the process, I’m sure there will come a point at which the tears give way to laughter as we remember the good times, the laughter, the joy. We’ll give thanks together for the blessing of such a friend. I would appreciate your prayers.

Friday Five: Books

Revgalblogpals Friday Five Questions:

1. What book have you read in the last six months that has really stayed with you? Why? I really liked Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love. It is a book about pilgrimage and even though the answers she found are not the same as my answers, I love the fact that she took the time to find them. I also was very appreciative of Paul Hawken’s Blessed Unrest. If you are feeling anxious about global warming and the future of our planet, this book may help you be more hopeful about the momentum that is building to protect our environment.
2. What is one of your favorite childhood books? Anne of Green Gables, My Side of the Mountain, Little Women. I know that’s more than one but I loved all these books.
3. Do you have a favorite book of the Bible? Do tell! I love the book of Isaiah.
4. What is one book you could read again and again? I don’t usually read books more than once but Tolkien’s Ring Trilogy would probably come the closest.
5. Is there a book you would suggest for Lenten reading? What is it and why? I’ll have to think more about that but Henri Nouwen comes to mind.

And because we all love bonus questions, if you were going to publish a book what would it be? Who would you want to write the jacket cover blurb expounding on your talent? I think at this point it would be a book of essays reflecting on our year of fasting from TV. Anne LaMott comes to mind as a “blurb-er.”

Enraptured

As I worked I watched you…

spinning,

swaying,

enraptured by the music

and the moment

and the joy of being six

and alive:

free to dream the dreams of what might come.

As I worked I watched you

and listened…

remembering a moment on a mountaintop,

the wind on my face,

my dog along side:

immersed in the music of life.

Sweetness.

Joy.

Peace.

Hope.

I was enraptured as I watched you…

Friday Five

Mother Laura at Revgalblogpals wrote:

Éstas son las mañanitas These are the morning verses
Que cantaba el Rey David, That King David used to sing,
A las muchachas bonitas To the beautiful young ladies,
Se las cantaba así. He would sing them like this.

(The Mexican birthday song, sometimes sung as a dawn serenade).

Youtube Mariachi version here. Piano music and eleventy-zillion more verses here.

My forty-third birthday next Wednesday will inaugurate the “Birthday Madness” season in the Grimes-Honkanen household. The next day Katie will turn five and just over two weeks later, on Feb. 3, Nicholas will be eleven. In the middle, on January 30, we celebrate the gift of Grandma Di; Nicholas and I were both due on my Mom’s birthday but I was uncharacteristically early and he was little late. We will be doing a trip to Disneyland to celebrate them all in a couple weeks; in the meantime I offer this birthday-inspired Friday Five.

1. When is your birthday? Does anyone else (famous and/or in your own life) share it?

February 10…not aware of any famous people who have that birthday but then I’ve never been that interested in finding out.

2. Do you prefer a big party or an intimate celebration for the chosen few?

I prefer small gatherings – dinner at home with family/friends is great for me. (Especially if I don’t have to cook and clean-up)

3. Describe your most memorable birthday(s)–good, bad, or both.

A couple of years ago I organized and led a mission education/work trip to Thailand.  We were visiting a children’s home in Northern Thailand that my long time friend and mentor had founded over my birthday.  My mother was also with me on the trip (her first visit to Thailand) and to celebrate she paid for a special dinner for all the children and staff at Im Jai House.  For a special treat they brought in this delicious coconut ice cream and made the Thai version of ice cream sandwiches: ice cream on a hot dog bun.  Im Jai means “a full heart” in Thai and I have to say that spending that birthday with friends and the children and my mother in that special place made my heart very full.

4. What is your favorite cake and ice cream? (Bonus points if you share the cake recipe). Or would you rather have a different treat altogether?

As a child my mother would always make us our favorite cake for our birthday.  My choice was always pineapple upside down cake…buttery with caramelized sugar and fruit…delicious

5. Surprise parties: love ‘em or hate ‘em?

 No feelings one way or another

Bonus: Describe your ideal birthday–the sky’s the limit.

At this point in my life I think a cabin in the Smoky Mountains with a hot tub on the porch overlooking a beautiful view sounds heavenly.

“The Talk”

I knew it was coming…there had been hints and questions that had been skirted but it was out there…lurking…the talk. You know the one I’m referring to…the one every parent knows is inevitable but hopes to postpone as long as possible…the “how does the baby get in the mommy’s tummy?” talk.

It started with my nine year old son a few days before Christmas when we had to have a discussion about our dog’s occasional mounting, a.k.a., humping, behavior. We talked about his trying to establish dominance but ultimately I explained the mechanics of canine reproduction which my son found “gross.” A couple of days after that, my daughter became upset after watching “The Nativity” which portrays Elizabeth giving birth to John in a pretty realistic way. She was upset to know that it hurts to have a baby and said she never wanted to have one. Here’s a snippet of our conversation with Julia’s words in italics.

I never want to have a baby. You don’t have to honey, you can choose not to. I don’t want to have a baby inside me. Julia, no one will make you…there are ways to make sure you won’t have a baby. You can choose. But Mary didn’t get to choose…God made her have a baby. What if God makes me have a baby?.

She’s a thinker. I answered as best I could saying that Mary was a special person and that I felt sure that would not happen to her but clearly I did not put the question to rest. I know this because on the way home this evening she again became upset and said that she was afraid of having a baby and that she never wanted to have a baby, in fact, she wished she was a boy so that she would not have to have a baby. I again tried to reassure her. The conversation, as best I can remember, is recorded below.

Me: Honey, don’t worry. You can choose. There are ways you can make sure you don’t have a baby.

Julia: But I’ve already got the eggs in me, remember? You said that girls have eggs.

Me: Yes, you do have eggs but the egg won’t make a baby unless you get a sperm from a boy.

Julia: What’s a sperm?

Benjamin: Boys have sperm? I thought only boy dogs had sperm.

Me: Yes, boys have sperm and the sperm has to join with the egg to make a baby.

Ben: So how does the sperm get inside the girl to the egg?

Me: (Feeling like a deer in the headlights but taking a deep breath and speaking matter-of-factly) The boy puts his penis in the girl’s vagina and the sperm comes out of his penis and finds the egg.

Ben: That’s gross!!!!

Julia: I’m never going to do that!!!

Ben: …pause…Is that what you and dad did?

Me: (Oooooo….should have seen that one coming…GULP) That’s what all people do to have a baby, honey, so……., yes.

Ben: …..(long pause)….That must have been painful for you.

Me: (trying not to laugh) No, it’s not painful. That’s what people are talking about when they talk about sex.

Ben: Ohhhhh…now I get it!

Julia: I’m never going to do that!

Me: And if you never do that you will never have a baby.

And that was pretty much the end of the discussion.

It occurs to me that we have come a long way from my grandmother’s days when sex was not mentioned, much less explained and women (and perhaps men though I’ve never heard a man of my grandparent’s generation talk of this) often went into their marital beds fearfully or in complete ignorance about sex and reproduction. At the same time, I’m aware that while we in 21st century western cultures can talk easily about such matters and have so much information about reproduction and sex, many of our sisters around the globe are denied such freedoms.

I’m glad I can talk to my children about their bodies and the way their bodies work without feeling ashamed and passing that shame on to them. God created us as physical beings as well as spiritual and emotional beings and what God has created is good and beautiful and nothing to be ashamed of. Certainly as my kids get older I will talk to them about sexual intercourse as more than a physical act and teach them about the spiritual, emotional and psychological ramifications of that kind of intimacy but today they just wanted to know how the baby gets in the mommy’s tummy. Perhaps that is an easier conversation than the ones we will have later. For now, I’m thankful to be living in a time in the history of humanity and in a culture in which my daughter will have the choice as to whether or not to have a baby. I’m glad that we are living in an era that allows such open (if not completely comfortable) communication about such matters. I’m thankful.

Creator, Sustainer, Redeemer,

Thank you for the challenge of parenting, for my children, for choices, for life. Help us to be mindful of the blessings of our lives and mindful of our brothers and sisters whose lives are not blessed with the freedoms and privileges we enjoy. Be the companion to those women who have no choices as you help us to see them and hear their cries and respond with mercy as we work for justice.

Oh Lord, hear our prayer.

The Pull of the Dark Side and Commitments for the New Year

As we enter the new year, I’ve been thinking a lot about what my goals for this year should be. I’ve never been a person to make resolutions or to set goals at the beginning of the year primarily, I think, because I knew I was unlikely to keep them and I didn’t want to have to feel that failure. Recently, however, I’ve been thinking about self-reflection and goal setting as an issue of discipleship. As someone who is committed to follow the Way of Jesus, I have a responsibility to live an examined life; to be on a lifelong pilgrimage of faith that is a journey of becoming. That journey has moments of joy but also moments of discomfort as we face into our shortcomings and weaknesses.

Back in August, shortly after commencing our fast from TV and launching this blog, I wrote a post about the Pull of the Dark Side. As I said in that post,

Some might call it Satan, others, unresolved childhood trauma, unmet dependency needs or simply human frailty. Whatever you want to call it we all have it. It’s that room inside of us where we keep the feelings of ugliness, frustration, inadequacy, hurt and anger.

I’ve been feeling the pull toward that dark room quite a bit in recent days with the busyness of the holidays, having the kids home from school, fighting a nagging cold, blah, blah, blah. I’m sure I could fill quite a few lines with all the stressors and sources of anxiety in my life (as I know most of you could) but understanding what makes me vulnerable to the pull of the dark side does not necessarily change anything. Self-understanding provides cold comfort when I see the hurt or bewilderment in my children’s eyes as they are pulled into the vortex with me. Insight, alone, does not provide immunity to old pain or change patterns of behavior. (It only took me ten years working as a psychotherapist and five years of my own therapy to come to that conclusion.) It’s not enough to understand.

I don’t intend to imply that insight is unimportant, on the contrary, it is a blessing and a powerful tool but it does not automatically change our behavior. So what does? How do we make positive and lasting change in our lives? While I don’t pretend to have all the answers, here are a few things I am trying to do:

1. Articulate the problem or issue. As they say in 12 step programs, the first step to getting help is to acknowledge that you have a problem and need to change. This step requires that we actually stop distracting ourselves long enough to be quiet and think about things that make us uncomfortable or anxious. If this process is a part of your spiritual journey, then inviting the spirit of God to be present with you and reveal to you what needs to change is a foundational part of this step. Sometimes, we know something needs to change but are unable to articulate what the problem is. In this case, seek the counsel of a minister, therapist or mentor to help you sort it out.
2. Envision the change you want to see. There is a lot of research indicating that being able to imagine or visualize a change is a powerful tool in realizing the change. Again, this requires time; time to imagine, in as much detail as possible, what life will look like when you make the change you desire. What would be different about you? Your relationships? Your use of time and other resources? Allow yourself to dream and do it regularly.
3. Set realistic goals. Rather than thinking that you have to achieve a 100% change (which almost always guarantees our failure) try thinking about making a 10% change and then build on that success.
4. Make a plan about how you are going to achieve your goals. I’ve heard it said that failing to plan is planning to fail and I believe it. Make a plan. What resources do you need? What are the steps?
5. Get support. As humans, we thrive in community. Whether that community is a church, a small group of friends, family, therapist, or other supportive individual or group, we need to be connected to those who can encourage us, pray for us and help us hold ourselves accountable to the commitments we make to ourselves and to God.

I am painfully aware that this is all much easier to talk about than to do. As I get older, I recognize that we seek familiarity because while it may not be comfortable, at least we know what to expect. To commit ourselves to self-examination and change is to enter into a process that is uncomfortable and anxiety provoking. And yet, as followers of the Way of Jesus, we make our journey of becoming with a constant companion. We are not alone. We do not attempt to grow and change in our own power alone but with the assurance that God’s grace is sufficient for you for power is perfected in weakness. (2 Corinthians, 12:9)

This year, for the first time in quite a while, I’ll be making, not New Year’s Resolutions, but commitments to myself and to God for the coming year. My first is to resist the pull of the dark side as I deal with my children. I’ll be following the steps above as I try to make that commitment a reality. I’ll let you know how it goes. I would covet your prayers.